text messaging - so efficient!

Texting is a fun way to carry on a conversation when one or both parties are out and about.
When the messenging works correctly, anyway. This is what happened last night:

1:04 am: text from me to friend

1:45 am: friend and I have 1+ hour long conversation on phone.

5:06 am: reply text from friend

So here's the three scenarios:

a) friend got message 1ish and replied 1ish but Ididn't get the reply til 5ish. VERY LIKELY.

b) friend got message 1ish but was weird and didn't reply til 5ish because friend is weird. NOTSOLIKELY.

c) friend got message 5ish, thought "wtf is wrong with her?" and then replied.
*Based upon the very boring and non-pissy reply, I'm saying this one is NOTLIKELY.

It's a good thing thing I wasn't some little emo girl. That would play out this way:

"If you don't text me back in the next 5 minutes, I know you hate me and I'm going to go slit my wrists."

oops.

I have a love/hate relationship with the world

I hate alarm clocks.
I hate having things I -have- to do.
I hate that my neighbor is a pain in my butt (post forthcoming).
I hate that I have no $$, and my child support doesn't cover my bills.

I like my dog.
I like having sacred, sweet free time...even if I'm supposed to be doing something else.
I like that my house is pretty and has a cute yard.
I like that churches around here run VBS (Vacation Bible School) and feed my kids and give them fun things to do.

I hate that all VBS's are at night.
And all are run by Baptist churches.
Who seemingly hate divorced people.

But they like my kids and they have giant inflatable things for the kids to jump on.
And they are not 'preachy' during VBS.

I like altar calls. I hope they have an altar call tonight.
I like altar calls because they are so cheesy and Baptist that they make me laugh.

I like my kids because my kids hate cheesiness.
I especially like Bean because she got into trouble for laughing in church at VBS the other night.
She was laughing when the teacher overdramatically said "and how does Go-hawd..." something.
I like my son's red mohawk.
I hate that some kids were calling him a chicken.

Geeks R Us

I have a new school folder.

It's pink and says I <3 nerds.

My son is a nerd. The other day we were walking through a parking lot and passed a blueish silvery car. Peanut turned to Punkin and said...

"Look! A Mithril car!'

Just last week he told me that he could handle helping me with something because "I have 18 strength."

Um, I heard those same EXACT words from someone when we were in Pasadena, under completely different circumstances. That person is also a nerd.

I really need to start a "you might be a geek..." type comedy routine ala Jeff Foxworthy. Except with TPS report jokes instead of TP jokes.

Pertinent yet Hurtful

Two things were said at school yesterday that I identified with.

The first one was a punch in the gut, when an instructor was discussing values.

::cue black preacher voice:: (he has one)

When a man abuses his wife and children, he doesn't value them. They hold no value to him.

The second one was a joke, kinda funny, but I think it sort of rings true for me.

What do fat chicks and mopeds have in common?

They're both fun to ride, but you don't want your friends to see you with them.

now that's class!

Ok, so one of the joys of going to the local community college is meeting the local community types. I regularly speak with another 30 something single mom, a 25 year old guy, another sorta quiet guy in his 20s (I kept pestering him til he talked and now he's coming out of his shell with others)
, a recovering alcoholic/social worker-wannabe guy who ain't from around here, a 19 year old Baptist girl who SO reminds me of young me -- all attitude, but wanting so much to be "good." I also daily speak with a 50 year old woman who JUST graduated from high school the day before college started (she dropped out in 8th grade to work in the mills).

So this woman. You've got to imagine her. 50, smoker for probably 35 of those years, been married three times, has raised her kids and kids who weren't hers. Has one son in the mental health hospital, another in prison. Got a good mental image?

*By the way, I adore this woman. I have nothing but profound admiration for her, for doing this so late in life, for wanting MORE than most people in her situation have resigned themselves to.

A few days ago, I was eating lunch with her when she began to tell me about her daughter in law. "Oh, she's high-class," she reported. "Her parents are both schoolteachers." I had to chuckle at the idea that schoolteachers are high-class! But it was the next comment that nearly made me spit iced tea out of my nose.

"All I'm tryin to say is that she's a higher class than you or me is"

How do you reply to this? On the one hand, I was greatly amused because I am decidedly NOT in this woman's class if you were to care about such things. On the other, I am flattered because it means I have become someone to whom different types of people can relate.

Unlove?

So can people choose to UNlove someone?

Closely related to the question of "falling out of love", I suppose. But I think "being in love" and loving someone are two very different things. I think love is a choice...but it's a heavily influenced choice.

It's all on me

So you know, I'm pretty drained. Punkin's been sick since Saturday night, which means I basically have slept 16 hours (including todays 2 1/2 hour nap) since then. I flunked a chemistry quiz this morning even though I knew the information because I was too tired to concentrate.

But that's not today's topic! I am going to rant! There will even be one or two bad words!

For all you "Christians" (and I use quotes there because, yeah, some of you are the real deal but I'm not talking to you) who told me I shouldn't divorce my husband...or those who said let the divorce proceed but I need to sit around FOREVER and never date or remarry because my husband might come to his senses, get help and get better and then come back....

I think the fucker's remarried.

He told his family he was marrying this other chick the day after he divorced me. I, of course, thought it was bunk. But, um, my dad overheard him talking to his attorney while we were waiting to be divorced.

He canceled his visit with the kids last Sunday which now seems suddenly so crystal clear. Perhaps he was honeymooning?

Yes, I'm angry. Yes, I'm hurt. No, I don't want him back. I don't want a THING to do with him.

But sheesh, could he have let the corpse of the marriage cool a little?

quick update

divorce happened last week.

was NOT as hard as I thought it was going to be.

Peanut's first words upon hearing about the divorce: Yay! Can I have a stepdad?

:( I had to explain I wasn't just going to run right out and find one.

My position is that I am going to finish nursing school and concentrate on raising my kids. If anything happens, it happens. I'm not going out in search of it.

Any man who would get involved with us is insane. And masochistic.

More later.

twas the night before d-day

Tomorrow is the funeral for what died a year ago.
I didn't just lose my husband (the part I'm GLAD I lost). I lost my dreams, my home, my things, my way of life, my friends.
Tomorrow's the day I finally say goodbye forever.

I'm raw today, through and through.

I wish people would put themselves in my shoes and really understand.

And I'm sick of being strong for everyone else, and I want to be able to fall apart. I think I've earned the right.