I'm not a big fan of Christmas movies, which seem to fall into two categories:
-the kind that attempt to pull at your heartstrings
-the kind that want to enlighten you as to the "true meaning of Christmas" (which is almost always that giving is better than receiving)
I finally figured out that a lot of my anti-Christmas spirit comes from growing up in South Florida. The whole prepackaged Christmas holiday ideal just didn't apply to us there. We didn't have snow - it was the tropics! So you can forget the whole chestnuts on an open fire, white Christmas, winter wonderland, etc. etc. etc. It was kind of annoying to have to hear all that stuff. Let alone SEE it. Over and over again. Every Christmas.
But I do admit to having a slight bit of the ole Christmas spirit (and not the kind you find in Uncle Jed's eggnog). There are two Christmas movies I could watch year after year and be happy. One of them actually gets quoted by me throughout the year.
Veggie Tales: The Toy That Saved Christmas
I quote one line from this movie whenever I'm out with the kids and something goes awry. "Mousetrap. (pause) I wanted to play Mousetrap. You roll your dice, you move your mice. Nobody gets hurt."
Even though this one attempts to do the whole "true meaning of Christmas" thing, it almost mocks itself in doing it, which makes it OK. Plus there's selfish kids, a highly marketed toy with a buzzsaw for an arm, and penguins.
A Charlie Brown Christmas
Ah, the old standby. Yeah, the beginning music is enough to make you want to slit your wrists. Yeah, the animation and sound quality give away its 1965 creation. But there's just SOMETHING about this one that gives it staying power 41 years later. I freely admit to just basking in childlike joy when Linus steps out on stage and tells everyone what Christmas is all about. The cynic in me takes a small vacation, and I've come to terms with that.
Share your favorites, if you wish.
22 December 2006
21 December 2006
A dirty little word
J O Y
That's a word that gets tossed around, usually by smiling faces who seem as if they've never had a rough moment in their lives. It's hard for some of us to even imagine being joyous ever, let alone possessing a life-long joy. But what, exactly, is Joy?
A quick glance at dictionary.com (What, you thought I was going to quote Webster's?) gives us a few definitions. The first is what you'd suspect: a rapturous or elated state of being. But it's the other one I care about: a source or cause of keen pleasure or delight; something or someone greatly valued or appreciated.
THIS kind of joy is what gets me through life. My life, as Morrissey claims, is a pigsty most of the time. But I possess that second kind of joy. I have four children, a couple of people I'd refer to as intimate friends and, most importantly, I have the hope of heaven. It is great joy!
That's why when I was having a really crappy the other day, I was able to turn on the Newsboys' Joy and still relate.
You give me joy that's unspeakable
And I like it, and I like it
Your love for me's irresistable
I can't fight it, I can't fight it
That's a word that gets tossed around, usually by smiling faces who seem as if they've never had a rough moment in their lives. It's hard for some of us to even imagine being joyous ever, let alone possessing a life-long joy. But what, exactly, is Joy?
A quick glance at dictionary.com (What, you thought I was going to quote Webster's?) gives us a few definitions. The first is what you'd suspect: a rapturous or elated state of being. But it's the other one I care about: a source or cause of keen pleasure or delight; something or someone greatly valued or appreciated.
THIS kind of joy is what gets me through life. My life, as Morrissey claims, is a pigsty most of the time. But I possess that second kind of joy. I have four children, a couple of people I'd refer to as intimate friends and, most importantly, I have the hope of heaven. It is great joy!
That's why when I was having a really crappy the other day, I was able to turn on the Newsboys' Joy and still relate.
You give me joy that's unspeakable
And I like it, and I like it
Your love for me's irresistable
I can't fight it, I can't fight it
19 December 2006
Looks like I picked the wrong week...
Airplane! has some great quotes. One of the funniest running jokes in the movie is the endless list of things Lloyd Bridges' character has just quit. He keeps saying "Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit..."
-smoking
-drinking
-amphetamines
-sniffing glue
Today I just wanted to say, "Looks like I picked the wrong day to START..." I have several things but the biggest one is "taking estrogen."
I spent the entire day nauseous and in tears.
And today was the day I had to go sell my old house, which was another thing to grieve over (the loss of a dream). I also had to see my ex which is never fun.
I hate crying. I'm not a big cryer. But apparently hormones will do this to me. I need to just curl up in bed with an old war movie or something and cry my eyes out over the poor pilots who miss home.
-smoking
-drinking
-amphetamines
-sniffing glue
Today I just wanted to say, "Looks like I picked the wrong day to START..." I have several things but the biggest one is "taking estrogen."
I spent the entire day nauseous and in tears.
And today was the day I had to go sell my old house, which was another thing to grieve over (the loss of a dream). I also had to see my ex which is never fun.
I hate crying. I'm not a big cryer. But apparently hormones will do this to me. I need to just curl up in bed with an old war movie or something and cry my eyes out over the poor pilots who miss home.
18 December 2006
Yuck
Today I feel ugly, fat and stupid.
Ugly: my skin's broken out and my hair won't do what it's supposed to.
Fat: I gained some weight back when I broke my foot (no more yoga or cardio stuff) and I'm also swollen. So I stepped on the scale at the dr's office today and neither she nor I liked what we saw. Blech. Time for some miracle diet.
Stupid: If you ever want to feel like an idiot, go to physical therapy. I can't move my foot the right way. It looks so easy, and I can't do it.
(and yes, I realize intellectually that my foot is damaged and this is retraining. But darn it, I still feel dumb!)
Oh, and I get to look forward to feeling pregnant. My doctor put me on hormones. This means I will now have morning sickness. Yay.
All I really want to do is binge on chocolate. But that would make everything worse.
If you've got a good joke or some way to cheer me up, leave me a comment or email me at devouthypocrite@gmail.com
Returning the favor:
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To get to the bottom!
What did the grape say when a man stepped on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little whine/wine.
Ugly: my skin's broken out and my hair won't do what it's supposed to.
Fat: I gained some weight back when I broke my foot (no more yoga or cardio stuff) and I'm also swollen. So I stepped on the scale at the dr's office today and neither she nor I liked what we saw. Blech. Time for some miracle diet.
Stupid: If you ever want to feel like an idiot, go to physical therapy. I can't move my foot the right way. It looks so easy, and I can't do it.
(and yes, I realize intellectually that my foot is damaged and this is retraining. But darn it, I still feel dumb!)
Oh, and I get to look forward to feeling pregnant. My doctor put me on hormones. This means I will now have morning sickness. Yay.
All I really want to do is binge on chocolate. But that would make everything worse.
If you've got a good joke or some way to cheer me up, leave me a comment or email me at devouthypocrite@gmail.com
Returning the favor:
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To get to the bottom!
What did the grape say when a man stepped on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little whine/wine.
16 December 2006
this amused me
I was doing one of those ipod/itunes shuffle things where you play songs and press "next" to answer the questions. This one just sorta made me chuckle. Post yours in comments if you want!
How am I feeling today?
world full of nothing - depeche mode (true, true)
Will I get far in life?
thief - third day (ha!)
How do my friends see me?
dance with me - the sounds (oh come on, y'all think I'm fun. and you want to mock me while I'm immobilized by my frankestein foot.)
Where will I get married?
say hello to the angels - interpol (so...I'd rather die before remarrying?)
What is my best friend's theme song?
I am in love with you - imogen heap (I don't even know what to say to this)
What is the story of my life?
pluto drive - the creatures (yeah, I pretty much want to do the stuff no one else does)
What was high school like?
will the summer make good for all our sins - Mum (oh, how true)
How can I get ahead in life?
the last beat of my heart -siouxsie and the banshees (work til you die, chica)
What is the best thing about me?
underwear - the magnetic fields (if my hanes her way is the best thing about me, well...I'm doomed. I'd better invest in something nicer.)
What is today going to be like?
under the carlaw bridge - lowest of the low ("well, it's another cold one...")
What is in store for this weekend?
i've got you memorized - ivy (a song in which someone confronts another person who keeps lying. appropriate.)
What song describes my parents?
trust - sarah mclachlan (I don't think they do trust me. But I trust them.)
To describe my grandparents?
Cemetry gates - the smiths (ok, this actually made me laugh when it came up)
How is my life going?
back - barenaked ladies ("I woke up yesterday morning, fell down two flights of stairs")
What song will they play at my funeral?
leash called love - sugarcubes (great, so I'm never going to get past this mess?)
How does the world see me?
spacy bitch - lords of acid (again, I chuckled when this popped up. Probably QUITE true)
Will I have a happy life?
she's a star - james ("It's a long road, It's a great cause...It's a good call")
What do my friends really think of me?
fresher than the night at the w - tobymac (why thank you)
Do people secretly lust after me?
to have and to hold - depeche mode (so does this mean I'm the marrying type then, and not the lusting-after type?)
How can I make myself happy?
acoustic guitar - magnetic fields (yep, I'm trying to learn it)
What should I do with my life?
I know it's over - the smiths (so...I should just give up?)
Will I ever have children?
one day more -les miserables (Given that I have four, one day more and another day after that, ad nauseum, sounds good to me)
What was filling out this survey like?
paradise place - siouxsie and the banshees (hardly)
How am I feeling today?
world full of nothing - depeche mode (true, true)
Will I get far in life?
thief - third day (ha!)
How do my friends see me?
dance with me - the sounds (oh come on, y'all think I'm fun. and you want to mock me while I'm immobilized by my frankestein foot.)
Where will I get married?
say hello to the angels - interpol (so...I'd rather die before remarrying?)
What is my best friend's theme song?
I am in love with you - imogen heap (I don't even know what to say to this)
What is the story of my life?
pluto drive - the creatures (yeah, I pretty much want to do the stuff no one else does)
What was high school like?
will the summer make good for all our sins - Mum (oh, how true)
How can I get ahead in life?
the last beat of my heart -siouxsie and the banshees (work til you die, chica)
What is the best thing about me?
underwear - the magnetic fields (if my hanes her way is the best thing about me, well...I'm doomed. I'd better invest in something nicer.)
What is today going to be like?
under the carlaw bridge - lowest of the low ("well, it's another cold one...")
What is in store for this weekend?
i've got you memorized - ivy (a song in which someone confronts another person who keeps lying. appropriate.)
What song describes my parents?
trust - sarah mclachlan (I don't think they do trust me. But I trust them.)
To describe my grandparents?
Cemetry gates - the smiths (ok, this actually made me laugh when it came up)
How is my life going?
back - barenaked ladies ("I woke up yesterday morning, fell down two flights of stairs")
What song will they play at my funeral?
leash called love - sugarcubes (great, so I'm never going to get past this mess?)
How does the world see me?
spacy bitch - lords of acid (again, I chuckled when this popped up. Probably QUITE true)
Will I have a happy life?
she's a star - james ("It's a long road, It's a great cause...It's a good call")
What do my friends really think of me?
fresher than the night at the w - tobymac (why thank you)
Do people secretly lust after me?
to have and to hold - depeche mode (so does this mean I'm the marrying type then, and not the lusting-after type?)
How can I make myself happy?
acoustic guitar - magnetic fields (yep, I'm trying to learn it)
What should I do with my life?
I know it's over - the smiths (so...I should just give up?)
Will I ever have children?
one day more -les miserables (Given that I have four, one day more and another day after that, ad nauseum, sounds good to me)
What was filling out this survey like?
paradise place - siouxsie and the banshees (hardly)
a lull, and then dark seas ahead
I am sooo thankful that my kids get out for Christmas break next week. We can revert to our old, relaxed lifestyle, if only for 10 days. Yay!
After that, we'll have dark days ahead. My birthday is January 12th and my wedding anniversary is January 15th, and I am just dreading those days. I don't want to be around my parents because they will give me all these pitying looks and pats on the hand and all I -want- to do is NOT think about it. What I'd really like to do is farm my dear children out to a few friends for the weekend and go out of town. That would make me happy. I wouldn't be alone and stewing, but I wouldn't be around here.
It'll be 13 years since I got married. And 34 years since I was born.
I don't regret either because they can't be changed.
After that, we'll have dark days ahead. My birthday is January 12th and my wedding anniversary is January 15th, and I am just dreading those days. I don't want to be around my parents because they will give me all these pitying looks and pats on the hand and all I -want- to do is NOT think about it. What I'd really like to do is farm my dear children out to a few friends for the weekend and go out of town. That would make me happy. I wouldn't be alone and stewing, but I wouldn't be around here.
It'll be 13 years since I got married. And 34 years since I was born.
I don't regret either because they can't be changed.
07 December 2006
yeah, I'm as stubborn as a mule
OK, I am not the smartest cookie. I have really been SO insistent that I can handle everything on my own (and I pretty much can) that I've refused very practical help. And I've pushed myself very hard to prove that I can do everything that I need to do.
This has finally caught up with me.
Three weeks after breaking my foot, I've been up and walking in the fracture boot without crutches. Silly me, I thought I could just go gallavanting around North Carolina, running necessary errands, without crutches. I spent all day Monday hobbling myself around various offices, trying to set things up for Tater's arrival. Tuesday, I ran (sometimes literally ran) all over, getting to appointments, getting Tater, going to the DMV, going to another appointment, getting the other kids, rushing home to get Christmas decorations.
By the time I got home last night, I could barely move. But dumb-butt me, I was scheduled to work today for the first time since the unfortunate incident with the garage steps. So I got kids up, ready, fed and off to school, ran over to the DMV then the bank then to work. I worked three hours but by the end I was actually crying from the pain. I then had to walk into the school to retrieve Tater, do a few piddly errands, a wee bit of piddly housework (done from the rolling computer chair) and then it was OFF to get other kids, etc etc etc.
My leg hurts so bad. It's not just the foot and ankle area - it's the entire left leg to just past the knee. The whole thing is swollen and my knee hurts so bad that I can't even THINK about kneeling on it. I'm nauseous and gritting my teeth. I took ibuprofen, I elevated the thing for four hours. And yet I still hurt just as bad.
Tomorrow, I'm supposed to have traffic court in the morning and then I have some free time before I have to pick up Tater and take her to an appointment. Friday, I'm scheduled to work again.
I don't even know if I'll be able to stand up tomorrow. I'm such a freakin moron.
This has finally caught up with me.
Three weeks after breaking my foot, I've been up and walking in the fracture boot without crutches. Silly me, I thought I could just go gallavanting around North Carolina, running necessary errands, without crutches. I spent all day Monday hobbling myself around various offices, trying to set things up for Tater's arrival. Tuesday, I ran (sometimes literally ran) all over, getting to appointments, getting Tater, going to the DMV, going to another appointment, getting the other kids, rushing home to get Christmas decorations.
By the time I got home last night, I could barely move. But dumb-butt me, I was scheduled to work today for the first time since the unfortunate incident with the garage steps. So I got kids up, ready, fed and off to school, ran over to the DMV then the bank then to work. I worked three hours but by the end I was actually crying from the pain. I then had to walk into the school to retrieve Tater, do a few piddly errands, a wee bit of piddly housework (done from the rolling computer chair) and then it was OFF to get other kids, etc etc etc.
My leg hurts so bad. It's not just the foot and ankle area - it's the entire left leg to just past the knee. The whole thing is swollen and my knee hurts so bad that I can't even THINK about kneeling on it. I'm nauseous and gritting my teeth. I took ibuprofen, I elevated the thing for four hours. And yet I still hurt just as bad.
Tomorrow, I'm supposed to have traffic court in the morning and then I have some free time before I have to pick up Tater and take her to an appointment. Friday, I'm scheduled to work again.
I don't even know if I'll be able to stand up tomorrow. I'm such a freakin moron.
05 December 2006
It's beginning to look a LOT like Christmas
So I picked the kids up from a church club last week and one of the leaders approached me. (This always sparks an "Oh no, what did my child DO?" reaction in my head.)
She looked down at my broken foot, asked after my oldest daughter and then inquired, "You've got a lot on your plate. Is there anything we can do for you?" I, of course, couldn't think of anything but she persisted. Finally she asked, "Have you decorated your house for Christmas yet?" Of course I hadn't. Besides the constant running around dealing with medical stuff, we don't even have Christmas decorations (except the Playmobil nativity).
Four women, two kids and one poor sap of a man arrived this evening with a bunch of goodies. I say the man is a poor sap because he, of course, was the guy who had to set up/wrestle with the fake tree and nail stuff to the wall. The women brought SO MUCH stuff, even potholders and rugs and such. They commenced cleaning and shepherding my kids into their rooms to clean them. They did my laundry. They mopped floors. I think I love them. ;)
As I look around, I see the lights glowing outside. Five stockings are hung -- one on the doorknob and four others on the bookshelves. Everywhere I turn, there are figurines, bells, candles. They adorn the bookshelves, the TV stand. There's a little nativity on my computer desk. The floor lamp next to me has been wrapped in silver garland. A wreath rests over my couch and red garland hangs over my back door.
In the freshly scrubbed kitchen are cute but not nauseating Christmas potholders and dishtowels and a rug. A bowl of fruit waits on the counter, across from boxes of peppermint tea, hot cocoa and cider mix. My dining room table has a little centerpiece.
But best of all is my Christmas tree. Every Christmas night, as a child, I would wake in the night and just lay on the couch, the house dark save the lights of the Christmas tree. Later I would enjoy Christmas Eves, lighting candles throughout our home. But it was always the tree lights that I loved more than anything.
I sit here at the computer desk with the tree just behind me. The green of the tree is almost golden from the lights, and the ornaments sparkle, reflecting the candy canes next to them. It's an old-fashioned tree, not filled with pretentious (but pretty) ribbons and delicate glass baubles. It's the kind in which my children's homemade ornaments will be right at home. If anything, it calls out for popsicle sticks and glitter!
For the past few years, Christmas has been such a nuisance to me. I sit here and wonder how, HOW I can feel so awed just gazing at a tree. I wonder to myself at the amazing generosity of people I barely know...and how that is Jesus in action. They are being His hands to me. I marvel at that, at how God uses us all to help one another.
Christmas is going to be hard this year in many ways. But it won't be as cold and ugly, because this house is beautiful and warm and filled with reminders of other people's love.
I hope that each of you will blessed in small ways over the next month, and that you will allow yourselves to bless others.
She looked down at my broken foot, asked after my oldest daughter and then inquired, "You've got a lot on your plate. Is there anything we can do for you?" I, of course, couldn't think of anything but she persisted. Finally she asked, "Have you decorated your house for Christmas yet?" Of course I hadn't. Besides the constant running around dealing with medical stuff, we don't even have Christmas decorations (except the Playmobil nativity).
Four women, two kids and one poor sap of a man arrived this evening with a bunch of goodies. I say the man is a poor sap because he, of course, was the guy who had to set up/wrestle with the fake tree and nail stuff to the wall. The women brought SO MUCH stuff, even potholders and rugs and such. They commenced cleaning and shepherding my kids into their rooms to clean them. They did my laundry. They mopped floors. I think I love them. ;)
As I look around, I see the lights glowing outside. Five stockings are hung -- one on the doorknob and four others on the bookshelves. Everywhere I turn, there are figurines, bells, candles. They adorn the bookshelves, the TV stand. There's a little nativity on my computer desk. The floor lamp next to me has been wrapped in silver garland. A wreath rests over my couch and red garland hangs over my back door.
In the freshly scrubbed kitchen are cute but not nauseating Christmas potholders and dishtowels and a rug. A bowl of fruit waits on the counter, across from boxes of peppermint tea, hot cocoa and cider mix. My dining room table has a little centerpiece.
But best of all is my Christmas tree. Every Christmas night, as a child, I would wake in the night and just lay on the couch, the house dark save the lights of the Christmas tree. Later I would enjoy Christmas Eves, lighting candles throughout our home. But it was always the tree lights that I loved more than anything.
I sit here at the computer desk with the tree just behind me. The green of the tree is almost golden from the lights, and the ornaments sparkle, reflecting the candy canes next to them. It's an old-fashioned tree, not filled with pretentious (but pretty) ribbons and delicate glass baubles. It's the kind in which my children's homemade ornaments will be right at home. If anything, it calls out for popsicle sticks and glitter!
For the past few years, Christmas has been such a nuisance to me. I sit here and wonder how, HOW I can feel so awed just gazing at a tree. I wonder to myself at the amazing generosity of people I barely know...and how that is Jesus in action. They are being His hands to me. I marvel at that, at how God uses us all to help one another.
Christmas is going to be hard this year in many ways. But it won't be as cold and ugly, because this house is beautiful and warm and filled with reminders of other people's love.
I hope that each of you will blessed in small ways over the next month, and that you will allow yourselves to bless others.
04 December 2006
Wow, this blogging thing works!
So I blogged a couple of things I wanted --both unattainable and doable-- on Friday afternoon. I didn't really expect anything. REALLY!
Lo and behold, I received Morrissey's You Are the Quarry on Saturday night. From someone I didn't even know read my blog! and to that person, I dedicate Track 11. But especially these words:
You're not right in the head
and nor am I, and this is why
You're not right in the head,
and nor am I, and this is why
This is why I like you
To the rest of you...well...I'm waiting! I add to my list, um...
a hot tub
a handsome manservant who happens to be mute
a nifty keen car that seats 6 but ISN'T mom-ish.
(In other words, I want my VW Bus. That's my dream car. I'm not joking.)
Get crackin' people!
OK, and in other real serious news...my daughter is coming home tomorrow! again! If she doesn't make it this time, it'll be into a therapeutic foster home so...let's hope she'll be OK here!
Lo and behold, I received Morrissey's You Are the Quarry on Saturday night. From someone I didn't even know read my blog! and to that person, I dedicate Track 11. But especially these words:
You're not right in the head
and nor am I, and this is why
You're not right in the head,
and nor am I, and this is why
This is why I like you
To the rest of you...well...I'm waiting! I add to my list, um...
a hot tub
a handsome manservant who happens to be mute
a nifty keen car that seats 6 but ISN'T mom-ish.
(In other words, I want my VW Bus. That's my dream car. I'm not joking.)
Get crackin' people!
OK, and in other real serious news...my daughter is coming home tomorrow! again! If she doesn't make it this time, it'll be into a therapeutic foster home so...let's hope she'll be OK here!
01 December 2006
I'm dreaming of a...
With Christmas and my birthday (January 12th!) rapidly approaching, it's high time I told all my friends just what I'll be expecting. 'Course, some of these things are entirely unattainable. But hey, I'm bored and I've finished my Christmas shopping so it's time to entertain myself!
1. Someone to go to the Leigh Nash/BNL concert with me in Charlotte on 12/17. I'd even buy the ticket! I just can't go to a general admin show with a broken foot, all by myself.
2. T-shirts from this website. I love the TEH shirt, the broken heart shirt and the Coffee of Doom shirt.
3. Healing for my daughter's mental illness
4. T-shirts from thinkgeek.com, especially the caffeine molecule and Obey Gravity.
5. a maid
6. Viva Hate and You Are the Quarry, CD's by Morrissey
7. a guitar tutor
8. a way to get to IL, MA, Canada and Australia so I can hang out with people I like instead of moping my sorry butt around here. Oh, and childcare. ;)
9. a weekend at a spa
10. sleep, and lots of it. Like...a year.
1. Someone to go to the Leigh Nash/BNL concert with me in Charlotte on 12/17. I'd even buy the ticket! I just can't go to a general admin show with a broken foot, all by myself.
2. T-shirts from this website. I love the TEH shirt, the broken heart shirt and the Coffee of Doom shirt.
3. Healing for my daughter's mental illness
4. T-shirts from thinkgeek.com, especially the caffeine molecule and Obey Gravity.
5. a maid
6. Viva Hate and You Are the Quarry, CD's by Morrissey
7. a guitar tutor
8. a way to get to IL, MA, Canada and Australia so I can hang out with people I like instead of moping my sorry butt around here. Oh, and childcare. ;)
9. a weekend at a spa
10. sleep, and lots of it. Like...a year.
WTF?
Yep folks. W T F is my favorite online phrase.
I don't cuss a lot in real life (though I confess I did say a few choice words when I broke my foot a couple of weeks ago). But for some reason WTF just resonates with me. Oddly, when I type it, I don't think of it as "What the f---" but "WTF" just by itself.
So I had a little WTF moment yesterday, involving my ex-husband and a kiss. According to one divorced friend, that kind of stuff happens all the time. According to another, I'm nuts and it never even occurred to that person to do that with the ex.
Felt icky for the rest of the day. Still feel icky and confused as to HOW I could let that happen. Ick ick ick. Ick.
And Ick again.
I don't cuss a lot in real life (though I confess I did say a few choice words when I broke my foot a couple of weeks ago). But for some reason WTF just resonates with me. Oddly, when I type it, I don't think of it as "What the f---" but "WTF" just by itself.
So I had a little WTF moment yesterday, involving my ex-husband and a kiss. According to one divorced friend, that kind of stuff happens all the time. According to another, I'm nuts and it never even occurred to that person to do that with the ex.
Felt icky for the rest of the day. Still feel icky and confused as to HOW I could let that happen. Ick ick ick. Ick.
And Ick again.
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