quick update

divorce happened last week.

was NOT as hard as I thought it was going to be.

Peanut's first words upon hearing about the divorce: Yay! Can I have a stepdad?

:( I had to explain I wasn't just going to run right out and find one.

My position is that I am going to finish nursing school and concentrate on raising my kids. If anything happens, it happens. I'm not going out in search of it.

Any man who would get involved with us is insane. And masochistic.

More later.

twas the night before d-day

Tomorrow is the funeral for what died a year ago.
I didn't just lose my husband (the part I'm GLAD I lost). I lost my dreams, my home, my things, my way of life, my friends.
Tomorrow's the day I finally say goodbye forever.

I'm raw today, through and through.

I wish people would put themselves in my shoes and really understand.

And I'm sick of being strong for everyone else, and I want to be able to fall apart. I think I've earned the right.

the long dark weekend of the soul

Saturday is June 2nd, exactly one year since we left our lives.

Tuesday is June 5th, the date of my divorce.

The emotional roller coaster has begun.

It's gonna be a long week.

Sabotage

Part 3 of "It's all in your head" is posted before this one. I just felt like blogging twice today.

I've been -trying- to lose weight for the past year. I've been down a couple of sizes only to spring back up again. And I finally figured out that I am deliberately sabotaging myself. But why?

I am afraid to be trim and fit.

I know what I was like before. But imagine this exuberant personality I've discovered hiding within me all these years. Combined with good-shape me. Really kind of a scary proposition.

If I stay fat, then I can always say to myself that if someone doesn't like me, it's because I'm fat and they're shallow. But if I lose weight, then I have to accept that someone doesn't like ME. Period. It's not their issue, it's mine.

If I stay fat, I can retreat back inside this schlubby, dumpy shell and pretend like nothing ever changed. But if I lose weight, it's acknowledgment that things ARE changing.

If I stay fat, I face a future where I remain reactive instead of proactive. I choose a lifestyle where I will eventually be putting my health into someone else's hands - doctors, nurses, other medical professionals. I will be told how to live, given the equipment and schedule to do it. But if I lose weight, I must take responsibility for my own life and body.

If I stay fat, I will be miserable but at least I know it. If I lose weight, who knows what will happen?

I need to start living.

It's all in your head part III

When we left our intrepid heroine (not heroin!), she had just instructed Bean to step out of the office....

me: How DARE you! You, as an authority figure, have just assured my daughter will NEVER come to an authority figure for help again!

Hop (with hand to chest): I'm not an authority figure! I'm her friend.

me: Her friend!? You've been in charge of her for the week, one of two adults.

Hop: Oh no. I'm a friend

Enter Grandma and Grandpa.

me: You are a pitiful excuse for a therapist. When is it acceptable for a therapist to force their own conclusions on the child? It doesn't matter what YOU think. She was groped and she was violated and you made her feelings irrelevant the second you said you thought the other child was teasing!

Hop (defensively): Our realities are formed by our feelings. I am trying to help Bean to have a more positive reality.

Grandma: No, the reality is that she was touched inappropriately and you're saying HER reality be damned.

Grandpa: What you did was the equivalent of a rape victim coming to you for help and you saying "Oh, he didn't MEAN to hurt you. He was just kidding."

me (angrily): Hop, because I would like this conversation to NOT be colored by my frustrations, I am going to step out of here and calm down.

Exit me, enter me into office where Hop's assistant is grilling my other child (Tater) about what she and her sister thought of the program, and why her sister wasn't there. She stops.

Things calmed down after that but so far this is what has happened:

We have asked, in writing, three times for the credentials of Hop and other people dealing with the kids in the program. We have also asked for an agreement between the school system and this organization and/or Hop. We have no responses, though this has been going on since February.

We have been to the school board and were yelled at by the superintendent that he has given this information to us. Yet again, we submitted a written request. Nothing. We have been to the school system office. Nothing.

The personnel director posed as the assistant superintendent at one point in time, and also created a phony web site for the organization's outreach program. He was stupid enough to put it on the school's main website. Even though he claims that the school system has NOTHING to do with the program.

We have found out Hop is a former principal, and has a Master's Degree (her own words). Yet she won't provide credentials. If she is acting in a therapeutic role, should she not have a degree in therapy? How much you wanna bet she has a Master's in Education?

We have found out this program is funded by a grant. After a LOT of looking, we found the grant. When in doubt about why our school board/system refuses to investigate, follow the money.

Hop herself said her plan was to put the kids through the program and then TRACK them through middle and high school. Sound like an outreach or a study? Conducting such studies is illegal without informed consent.

We asked both the principal AND the superintendent if other parents and/or faculty had complained or raised questions. Both said no. We have absolute assurance this is not so, from the very people who have complained.

Though my children have been removed from the program, it is still in existence. Indeed, followup "group sessions" are already happening with my children's peers.

We have had to put this on the back burner due to ANOTHER fight I'm fighting right now. But we will not let this go. There is too much hiding and scurrying around this issue for it to be legitimate. The children of our county need to be protected.

I was wrong

OK, I'll post the continuation of "It's all in your head" soon but I have to say...

To all of the people over the years who have loved Rush and I told you how lame you are and how awful they are...

I'M SORRY

I was wrong. I suck. Rush is really good.

The end.

It's all in your head part II

We left off at the alarming revelation that all children involved in the outreach program were told not to tell their parents anything that happened at the center. This was confirmed with two other families besides mine, for a total of five children all saying the same thing. They also confirmed the horse stuff, too.

The next day, I left the now-distressed (because of groping) Bean at my parents' home so I could go talk to the principal before bringing her to school, and to prevent her from having to see the groper. I went first to Bean's teacher to tell her that she would be attending class instead of going to the program. The teacher pulled me aside. "PLEASE file a complaint with the principal. I and a few other teachers have noticed that the children come back more violent than any students we've ever seen before, and we've spoken to her about it."

I proceeded to the office where I told the principal Bean would be attending school that day, and why. With eyebrows raised, she invited me to speak with the head of the program. We all gathered in a back office and I explained what had occurred. "Did tell you she didn't want to attend the program anymore or was that something YOU decided?" I said Bean did. "Well, children should learn how to handle these things themSELVES. Unless you want to keep them in a bubble or by your side until they're 18, they will have to learn this." That ticked me off - my child is in 5th grade and she handled it exactly the way I would expect. She got into a situation where she knew she wouldn't get any help from the adults there, so she came to ME. Her mother. That's what I am there for - an advocate for my children.

The head of program (here on out, I'll call her Hop) requested a meeting with my daughter at 2:30 that day. Meanwhile, my father contacted the school board and requested the credentials of Hop, and a copy of the agreement between Hop's organization and the schools. I also contacted my daughter's therapist and asked that she attend the 2:30 meeting.

2:30 rolled around and I, both my parents and the therapist showed up. Immediately, the other side (principal and Hop) realized they were outnumbered and said that we'd better not overwhelm Bean with adults. So Hop, Bean and I shuffled ourselves off into the back office to talk.

Bean began her tale and was repeatedly interrupted by Hop. At one point Hop responded, "If he REALLY did this, why did you sit near him?" and Bean replied that he kept following her. "Oh, he most certainly did not!" was the answer. Then Hop asked, "Do you think he was teasing or being cruel when he did that?" I wanted to stand up and shout "WTF does that matter?" but I let Bean answer that she thought he was being cruel.

That's when the conversation took a turn for the even-worse. Hop stared my daughter in the face. This woman, acting as a therapist for my child during the week, stared at Bean and said, "Oh, we all know how he was teasing. -I- think he was teasing."

At which point I shut her up, looked at my daughter and quietly asked her to leave the room.

More about our fight tomorrow.

To Do

This was inspired after a visit to yet another evangelical church that's just way too full of itself. I left and went out to the car and the only piece of paper I could write on was labeled "to do." Enjoy.

To Do
Find God outside the trappings of human emotions
Beyond the high-tech, high-energy dance of the modern, Western church
Past the manipulative music that plays when we pray
and the tissue-wielding, teary woman who champions causes like she's Miss America
(you don't need a committee and classes to change the world - just do it one bit at a time)

So where IS Jesus in all of this?
Did He even get invited to this big party we have in His name?
Did He attend the show - the huge production - put on in His honor?

Somehow, I think I hear Him in the church when nearly everyione is gone
when the lights are dimmed and the stage is empty
and distant footsteps echo in the halls

When those who are unwelcome and underdressed can sneak in
and speak a simply beauty

To Do
Do justly, love mercy and walk humbly with God (Micah 6:8)

the strangest direction

I thought I had my future figured out. I was going to dual-enroll in two community colleges here in NC, get my AS in Dietetics mostly through online classes, put my kids in a great private school (dependent upon scholarship) and work part-time there doing something or another. After I got my degree, I would go ahead and move somewhere or another. Life was going to be great but I had NO peace. So then I thought we'd homeschool and travel a bit, and I'd continue my classes online while doing so. Somehow I could scrape up enough cash for a popup camper, eh?

But you know, something strange has happened over the past few weeks. I have been helping my one local friend care for her dying father. I was able to be there during his final week and I can't tell you how much I enjoyed just being there to comfort him in his last days. I also loved speaking with each hospice person and each caregiver who visited him. And I realized death doesn't bother me.

People have been suggesting I go into nursing since I started pondering getting a college degree. I have balked. When it came up #1 for my career choices after three separate tests, I began to think those darned tests were faulty. I had seen my own mother go through nursing school -- and eventually drop out-- during my childhood. Nursing, to me, seemed like the LAST thing I wanted to do.

But you know, sometimes the last thing we want to do is the best thing for us. Yesterday I walked into the college and changed my intended major to nursing. A local organization has agreed to pay for my school costs if I don't manage to get a grant. So far, reaction from most people has been amazingly supportive. My dad has agreed that nursing school will indeed be stressful and he has promised that he and my mother will care for my children when I can't. My former employer encouraged me, explaining that she went through nursing school when she was a single mom of two little ones. She says it can be done. It will be stressful, but it can be done.

I have had a HUGE burden taken from my shoulders. I have such peace about my future now. RN's are in high demand everywhere. If I want to leave this podunk mayberry world, I should be able to find a position anywhere. RN's have many different kinds of shifts. Some work office hours. Some work nights. I will be able to schedule my job around the needs of my family. And best of all, I will eventually be able to support myself and my children - possibly even help them get through college.

I'm not sure how it's all going to work out. The community college is actually about 30 minutes away, 45 minutes from the kids' schools. I'm hoping that maybe I can get them into a charter school closer to where I'll be hitting the books. I applied a couple of months ago but won't know until June. Who knows? Maybe I'll be able to find a house for rent towards there, and my kids can just go to regular schools. Then I won't be paying ginormous gas bills.

Oh, and I just can't wait to get that spiffy nurse's hat. Yay.

it's all in your head, part 1

Before I post, I'm going to link you to one of my favorite videos. Yes it's Napoleon Dynamite-esque at first but just keep watching.

OK, so it's time to tell y'all about something nutty that's happened to us. Read on and you will probably think I'm making it up.

My older kids, Tater and Bean, were "selected" for an outreach program. The principal of the school came to me herself and said she thought the girls would benefit from the program as it would teach them "coping skills" or something like that. They would also do equine (horse) therapy. Given that said program gave them four days worth of excused absences from school (they do hate school), I signed the permission slip and that was that.

Tater attended the first four-day session. Kids were shipped off by van at the beginning of the school day to another facility off-campus and returned at the end of the school day. Tater had no comments about her stint other than "It was OK."

So Bean went. Bean is my tough kid so I was surprised to find her crying when I picked her up from school on the third day. "Please don't send me back there!" she begged. I finally got out of her that she had been groped by another student. When I asked if she'd told the person in charge, I was told, "The same thing happened to 'Laura' but when she told the teacher, she was told to handle it herself."

To get her mind off of her distress, I asked how the horses were that day. She replied, "Oh, they were fine but we weren't allowed to touch them." Given that equine therapy usually involves touching, I was a bit surprised so I asked, "Really?!" Bean clarified, "Oh we WERE allowed to touch them. But only after we'd asked them in our MINDS."

This has since been confirmed with other children that they were told to stand there and say nothing but hold their fingers to their temples (as in concentrating hard) and say nothing. They were to use their thoughts to ask the horses something like, "Can I enter your space and touch you?" and if the horse turned around, they could pet it. Bean, of course, just faked it.

Then came the alarming revelation (since confirmed with other children): The kids were told to tell NO ONE what happened at the center.

More tomorrow otherwise this'll be too long. Besides, I've got a Mates of State video to watch again. Cause it's allllll in my head.

things that pop into my head

You know that old saying about women with dyed hair? the one "Do the drapes match the carpet?"

If a woman has a Brazilian wax, what would be the answer? She has linoleum?

(if the woman has a crew-cut, I suggest she refer to the hair on her head as mini-blinds)

Lessons Learned

Things I learned on my big vacation:

Norwich, Connecticut has the largest number of "Slow Children" according to the amount of signs we saw.

Enfield, Connecticut has way too many road signs declaring "Drug free zone!"

Every driveway in Chelmsford, Massachusetts is a "blind drive." (The poor drives! Can't something be done? seeing-eye drives?)

If you must be stuck in traffic in New York, it will be for hours through the Bronx and at least one person in your car will vomit. Twice. At least once, it will be on someone else.

People in New York are very nice. Their subways are efficient but dirty.

People in DC aren't nice at all. Their subways are very clean but expensive and hard to find.

More later.

goodbyes stink

You know how you see someone and you have this big imagined happy goodbye in your head?

But then when it comes time, you never even get out what you wanted to say in the first place, and the last image they get of you is your ugly about-to-cry face?

Oh, you don't? Forget it, then.

goodbyes suck, especially when nothing is ever resolved before you say them.

...and sometimes things go wrong, but they're good anyway

Things that have gone wrong in the past day, and how they're OK:

1. My cellphone stopped working, which is just awful on a roadtrip when it's my ONLY way to get in touch with people. Add to that Alltel doesn't exist in this part of the country so there's no way to get it fixed. How this is OK: Dinner with Thresher friends would've been canceled if they'd been able to contact me. As it was, we went ahead with plans and had a great time. I'm not sure how the lack of phone will affect things in the future, though. I did go ahead and get some SkypeOut credits so at least I can find wifi and make calls.

2. Our newest hobby, Letterboxing, started with two duds. Both boxes were planted by the same folks and I have no idea if the boxes disappeared or we don't know how to read a compass or what. BUT, and this is a big but, we had a GREAT time looking! We learned some interesting things, like tree roots will eventually knock down gravestones and break them in half. And that Punkin doesn't need to be afraid of cemeteries. And that sometimes it really is fun to just go for a walk in a field in 40 degree weather. We had a lot of fun as a family, no complaints except that we weren't very good mystery-solvers. Perhaps tomorrow will bring a box to us at last!

3. Our dear host here in Mass. was unable to return to us as planned so that makes a whopping one day we got to spend together (the day we arrived and I slept a good portion of the afternoon). It makes me sad because I don't get to hang around with one of my best friends. But on the plus side, it means I can feel a little less guilty for using every bed in the place.

4. One of the Threshers flaked big time. How this is OK: It enabled the other Thresher and I to have a cheap dinner with almost 3 hours spent together, mainly relaxed and conversing, while the kids played. I really enjoyed my time with her (was a bit nervous we'd have naught to talk about, I admit) and we took some extra-special pics of Salzilla. Sadly, we ran out of film before we could do a LARP pic, reenacting some in-game moments with props from McDonald's. I had a lego hammer (Marah's hammer of tapping, as Sebboe refers to her pathetic spiritual hammer) and she had a coffee-stirrer scalpel. Oh, and we were trying to get some McDonald's promo stuff for her tome. Oh well. Fun was had, and a friendship was cemented. I think.

So there you have it. Sometimes life hands you lemons and you remember how good lemon bars are, and you make them, and you eat them, and then you're happy.

Sometimes things go right

I'm typing this from a friend's house in Massachusetts, where the kids and I have been spending the day. We arrived yesterday after a busy and stressful time trying to get through Charlotte airport. I was starting to question my decision about taking this vacation, but once we got settled into our seats on the plane, I felt I did the right thing.

Yay to US Air for employing possibly the best, most considerate flight attendants I've ever met. They were a HUGE blessing to me. I wasn't having any major catastrophes or anything but I'd stayed up the entire night before. I was exhausted and they were super nice and proactive with the children.

Yay to understanding friends who, when I conk out asleep in the middle of the afternoon, simply supervise my kids and let me nap. I <3 you for it.

We've had pretty much two whole days in Mass. and have done very little except rest, watch TV, play around on computers. That is EXACTLY what we needed to do, what with our normal life being so hectic lately. We did go out to IHOP and the grocery store yesterday, and the kids & I went to Chili's this evening. It's Easter Sunday and not much is open, so we went with what we could find.

Anyway, we get to go visit a few people tomorrow: my uncle and then dinner with two Threshers. I'm excited!

we interrupt this semi-amusing blog for a serious moment

I promise I'll blog as my usual sarcastic, sorta witty self in the next entry. But I've got a rant and it ain't about Nickelback.

Last night I was invited to a church to watch Facing the Giants, a film involving football and faith (two cultural phenoma the South would be lost without). I must compliment the filmmakers for the fine job they did. Honestly, I was surprised that the actors in the film are simply church members, not professional actors. Maybe one or two I might've pegged, but the leading characters were well-portrayed. Additionally, the visual and audio quality and directing seemed quite professional.

But I have a problem. (SPOILERS ahead for people who are completely unable to predict plot resolutions from the beginning of a film)

The message of this film, despite the characters' resolution to praise and serve God no matter what the outcome, seems to be that if you just have ENOUGH faith, God will be on your side and help you win. Indeed, the protagonist gets everything he ever dreamed of and more: a new truck, a long-expected child, a state championship...it just goes on and on. These people, they pray and decide to thank God for NOT allowing them to have things and then suddenly! tada! He whips out the present He was hiding behind His back.

This is a fairly common doctrine among the middle class American church, isn't it? Isn't it the lighter, feel-holy version of health and wealth? God will be on your side if you just believe?

What a disservice to our Christian brothers and sisters in China, in India, all around the world -- people who suffer and die for their faith. Didn't they believe enough? Are you saying that they would have not died if they simply stepped out and trusted God?

And speaking of trusting God, my 12 year old daughter pointed out that Jesus Himself would not be a "Christian" by this doctrine. He was a simple carpenter at first. During His ministry, He said that He (the Son of Man) had no place to lay his head. In the end He was tortured and mutilated so much that you could scarce tell He was a man. And she, my sweet daughter, reminded me that Jesus came not as a King but as one who suffered so that we would know He understood. She said, "Jesus went through hard things to show us the way to get through hard things."

No, we are not meant for the easy way. We are meant for the difficult journey and we walk the road knowing that suffering produces fruit. When we stumble, He is there to right us so we may continue on - He is not there to move us to the wide and comfortable path.

In a completely unprofound statement, I say: Life sucks. Life sucks a lot.

But oh, my faith grows through all of this hardship. Some people would point and say "Where is your God now?" How can I explain? How can I find words to express the shaping and molding of my faith and my spirit?

my strength and my song

I visited my former pastor today. He has gone through terrible circumstances in the past few years, events which finally led to the death of his beautiful wife in November 2006, of cancer. This man has watched his wife suffer -- and he suffered along with her. And now he suffers alone. Truly, this man is someone I can look at and KNOW that he knows sorrow and loneliness like few other American "Christians" do. We encouraged one another and he prayed for me something very specific: That I would have a song.

I was known at that church for singing. I have not been able to sing for a couple of months, not really anything beyond a sort of warbling effort with no heart. He didn't know this. I didn't tell him.

I left that church and managed to sing through most of the day, songs which came flooding back to me. Ah, what a blessed gift music is! And then I spend most of my night listening to other songs with a friend (through the wonders of IM's and a semi-common music library).

I just have to share that some of the most praising, most uplifting hymns were written by people who had gone through unimaginable circumstances. This one, a song of thanksgiving, was written by pastor Martin Rinkart soon after he buried 4000 people in one year, including his wife, after the plague swept through Europe. Fifty funerals a day! And one of my favorites was written by a man after marking the spot in the open sea where his daughters had perished in a shipwreck. The opening lyrics "When peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll" take on such personal meaning when you know.

Today's hymn for me is an oldie but a goodie:

Come, thou fount of every blessing,
Teach my heart to sing thy praise.
Streams of mercy never ceasing
flow from thy undending grace.
Teach me some melodious sonnet
sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it -
Mount of thy redeeming love

Oh, to grace how great a debtor
quickly I'm constrained to be!
May thy goodness, like a fetter,
bind my wandering heart to thee.
Prone to wander- Lord, I feel it-
Prone to leave the one I love.
Take my heart, Lord.
Take and seal it.
Seal it to thy courts above.

rant: nickelback

Oddly, Nickelback keeps coming up in my conversations, which is somewhat impressive because I avoid them as much as possible. Thankfully, I have found that I am not the only one. A recent conversation while driving around had me chuckling. It went something like this.

me: they're playing blocks of music. If they play Nickelback, I will have to hurt someone.
notme: If they play Nickelback, I will have to hurt Nickelback.

I was talking with another friend last night and he seemed greatly offended that I didn't find Nickelback's If Everyone Cared a profound work, what with them giving to charity and stuff. First off, every musical act pales in comparison to U2's Bono and what he's done in Africa and elsewhere. Secondly, Nickelback's singer sounds like he's constipated. Thirdly, their lyrics sound like something a 12 year old would write. May I present lyrical proof of why their music, even this song, does nothing for me.

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
Then we'd see the day when nobody died

I can picture some middle schoolers working on a social studies project and writing these lyrics. And then there's this:

And in the air the fireflies
Our only light in paradise
We'll show the world they were wrong
And teach them all to sing along

Remind anyone else of a Coke commercial?

Actually, this Morrissey lyric reminds me of Nickelback. It's from The World Is Full of Crashing Bores.

What really lies
Beyond the constraints of my mind?
Could it be the sea
With fate mooning back at me?
No, it's just more lock-jawed pop-stars
Thicker than pig-shit
Nothing to convey
So scared to show intelligence
It might smear their lovely career

Yeah, THAT'S how much I can't stand Nickelback.

funny stuff

I've just discovered this hilarious artist named Anne Taintor. After looking at her magnets on amazon.com, I decided to go to her website and I've been chuckling all morning. She takes vintage advertisements and injects a little modern humor. The part I found MOST interesting was the Taintorettes, elderly women who had found their photos being used in her artwork. Have a look, have a laugh.

My birthday surprise!

Remember when I said someone gave me a really big huge surprise on my birthday?

Well, THIS was it!

That's right, folks. I got invited to go to a Morrissey concert in Pasadena, California. And somehow, by God's grace, some hard work and a bit of sheer luck, I managed to get there. :) My friends R & C loved on my children for a couple of days. They also hosted all of us two nights earlier than expected due to a snowstorm that was expected to close the mountain pass between TN & NC.

My weekend was wonderful. I conquered several fears, the biggest one being my fear of flying. In 2000, I had a panic attack aboard a plane to Florida and I hadn't flown since. I even chose to drive the 9 hour return trip rather than fly back to SC. This time around, I determined that I would face my fear. I also determined I was not facing my fear without medication! Xanax is a wonderful creation. :)

It's been so long since I've been in an actual, big city that seeing the lights of Los Angeles on our descent was amazing to me. As far as I could see, from either side of the plane, were lights! I got to see more of LA the next day when I and a friend drove around in search of the beach. The valley is massive. The mountains are so brown and boxy - completely different than the Blue Ridge Mountains I see all the time.

I can now say I have stood on both shores of the US. I grew up just about 15 minutes from the Atlantic Ocean in Ft. Lauderdale, FL. And now I have stood on Santa Monica Beach and looked out at the Pacific. That in itself was surreal because Santa Monica pier is pretty famous and there I was, just about maybe 1 mile or so from it (you really can't miss the Ferris wheel). Sadly, I did not put foot in the water but that's MAINLY because it was cold. How anyone swims in the Pacific is beyond me.

Morrissey is hands-down the best show I've been to. A lot of people say that his lyrics are very personal to them, and I've never identified with that until Saturday night. I cried five times! Some of that may have been because I was sleepy but I don't know if I'll ever listen to Life Is a Pigsty (link goes to some homemade doctor who youtube video), I've Changed My Plea to Guilty, Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want, or Let Me Kiss You without remembering. Morrissey fans are also a lot of fun, judging by the crowd I interacted with at Friday night's after-party. I still don't know why people just randomly came up and hugged me!

But really, the best part of the weekend wasn't seeing California or even seeing Morrissey. It's the memories of friendship and closeness I cherish. There's something to be said for driving around listening to rock music (and complaining about Nickelback) and getting lost. And for watching SNL skits and laughing at things that probably weren't even that funny but I was so tired. And for eating pancakes, and skipping rocks and generally me acting like an idiot on the beach. I know, when do I -not- act like an idiot? ;) Also, I seek to entertain by singing poorly. One day people may hear me actually sing and figure out that I was once a voice major. Ha!

So in the end, this was the best birthday ever.