What will YOU be like when you get old and senile?

I've been busting my tail at a long-term care facility, so I've encountered some absolutely funny situations. One thing that gets me is that when old people start losing their minds, they talk about events that happened yeaaaaars ago. That got me to thinking.

What will -I- talk about?

I hope to God I am not one of those women who flashes residents for bingo cards or something unless I've had some fake boobs put in. Otherwise, I guess by that time, I'll just pick up my skirt? (Counter that with the pervy old men who actually pay women like that).

Will I be one of those women who sings songs that no one knows because they're from, like, a gazillion years ago and not popular. When I sing Morrissey's "Life Is a Pigsty", will someone think I'm suicidal?

Oh no! Will I think I'm a mage or a warrior or a cleric or something from a roleplaying game? Will I wiggle my fingers at people, thinking I'm casting a spell?

This is kind of a creepy thought. What's your worst nightmare that you might do when you get old?

Preceptors

Hey!

Specific request for you praying types out there.

I need you to pray that I will be satisfied with wherever I am placed at for preceptorships. Many people are offered jobs by these facilities after graduation, which is somewhat of a relief. But honestly, I don't know what kind of nurse I want to be. I can tell you some things I absolutely love:

* Surgery. I love the OR! I hope someday to get my RN and become an OR nurse. Right now, LPN's don't typically work in OR's. Also, the call schedule would kinda suck what with me being a single parent.

*Caring for profoundly mentally retarded folks. I have done my last two clinical days at such a facility and have absolutely LOVED it. Loved! I mean, really. It has brought me such joy, even though I've had to do some icky stuff. Also, the facility has basically a long-term care section AND a medical-surgical unit, so I can pick up a lot of experience on both ends. Problem with this is that the facility is over an hour's drive away so I'd have to leave my kids with my parents overnight a lot to do the preceptorships, and how would we handle it if I was offered a job? Could I do it? Dunno.

I tolerate the med-surg floor at the hospital and definitely prefer it to the long-term care I've been exposed to thus far. If I couldn't get either of the above (or the Emergency Room, which I haven't yet explored), I'd definitely want med-surg over nursing home any day.

Preceptorships start in March. They're already starting to place people now, even though they're not telling us. Please pray for me.

Thanks!

PS You can always pray that a) God will provide a massive amount of money so I don't have to work, or b) God will provide someone to take care of my kids so that scheduling isn't an issue. Preferably someone who wouldn't mind homeschooling a couple of 'em. ;)

I'm like Maria. I have confidence!

So now I've done quite a few clinicals and they're starting to not be as scary as they once were. I figured something out the other day when I was doing Recovery Room observation. See, when you go to the Recovery Room, you have to wear the hospital's sterile scrubs and their sterile footies and stuff. And suddenly, I realized that I didn't have that "LOOK AT ME! I'M A STUDENT!" uniform on, and no one knew I was a student just by looking at me. And I walked around with confidence so much so that dr's were asking me questions like I worked there. Haha. (Don't worry, I said I was a student and made them go ask someone who knew.)

So you know...if I can have that confidence in the scrubs, I can have that confidence in the uniform too. Though if you saw the uniform, maybe you'd know why it's so uninspiring.

I'm really excited to go to my next clinical, which will be in the Operating Room. It's not just because of the sterile scrubs (they do help) but because I'm antsy to know if I'll be the ONE student who passes out during surgery, falling into the sterile field and causing a hullabaloo. No one's done it yet. Will it be me? Will I suddenly get woozy at the sight of a gallbladder being sucked through a tube? Will the vision of blood during a knee replacement be too much and make me puke?

The thing I've learned is that when I am most afraid, that is the time to rush in and conquer the fear instead of dwelling on it. So I'm excited for Tuesday. I'm also hoping my bronchitis clears up enough for me to go in! :p Or I'll be taking some heavy duty cough suppressant, in which case I might just conk out next to the patient on the operating table. ;)

One down, two to go

I finished my first semester of the nursing program today. Whew, what a ride it's been! In the end we lost a total of 7 people:

• 1 to another program
• 4 after background checks
• 1 due to anxiety
• 1 due to grades. Everyone was shocked because Mr. Man had lied and said he was an A student.

I ended up acing Anatomy & Physiology with an A, thank goodness. And I somehow pulled up a barely-passing grade to a B in Nursing. I am not sure how. I did learn the value of group study this semester. Actually, I learned the value of plain old studying. Never had to do that before!

I am very impressed with the way the class is working past our social boundaries. We had four girls who were dangerously close to failing. They had to make a certain grade on the final exam in order to return next semester. This afternoon, we all waited around to find out our grades. Several of us made sure those girls got in line near the front.

The first girl walked out in absolute tears and there was a hush over the 20-something of us. I began to ask, "Did you..." in a horrified voice. And then she sobbed and said, "tears of joy!" and even the most hard-hearted of us began to cry. The next girl, who is quite the cynic and therefore one of my new friends, came out beaming and allowed everyone to hug her. Made it by .5! Then another girl came out in tears and hugged the first crying girl and when she said she passed, the entire hall erupted into applause.

The fourth girl is a different story and perhaps an entry will be forthcoming on the ethical dilemma I have faced lately. For now, some celebratory sleep!

Nursing School Survivor

So. There's a lot of updating to be had with my account of the Nursing Program. I think I'll go ahead and do that while taking a break from Abbreviation craziness.

• I led a resistance against the popular girls for Class Officers. I am happy to report that not a one of them won. I'm not trying to be mean-spirited, but you can't just EXPECT to have something.
• As the stress in the class continues, I have had the opportunity to get to know a few people well. I have heard heartbreaks and happiness, and I am honored to share in their lives. I can only hope this continues, because there are still some people I can't stand, and I want to move past that and get to know the people inside.
• The "Most obnoxious" woman and I hang out a lot now. After I told her I reserved the right to tell her she's obnoxious (and gave her the same right), we're perfect. She has been humbled by this program, as have I. It's a good spot to be in.
• Nursing School Survivor's 1st out was someone I least expected. One of my classmates got accepted into the RN program at a college closer to her house, so of course she's taking it! She's finishing out the semester here and then moving onward in August.
• As of yesterday, besides the woman above, we lost 5 other people. Four people left because of things in their background checks and another left because of stress. That all happened yesterday and several of us are a little saddened by it. It's funny. I know we've all known each other for only two months or so, but it's like Survivor for real. The common experience has drawn us together.
• I started clinicals and dealt with my first patients today. I have a great respect for the nurses and CNA's who bust their butts in the hospital. It is no easy job and I was overwhelmed just with the paperwork for one person! I can't imagine how it will be when we have 5 or 6 or even 10 each!

I guess that's about it. It's time for me to figure out how to remember that PEEP equals "My peeps pressure me positively" which equals "Positive End Expiratory Pressure." Yeah.

peeps out. mwah.

The newest medical superheroes

Abbreviations are a big part of the medical field, so much so that there are experts in medical terminology, and classes and whatnot. Therefore, we have several tests on abbreviations in our class. This is OK. If you can memorize things well, you've got yourself a good test grade.

But what if, like me, you look at a group of letters and think of things entirely unrelated to medicine? You see "DM" and think "Dungeon Master" instead of Diabetes Mellitus. Or BS and think of "bullshit" instead of "bowel sounds". Or even worse, you try to make things seem medical but haven't a clue. So like my friend, you make NIDDM into the National Institute for Disease Discovery and Management instead of Non Insulin Dependant Diabetes.

Well, you get a group of people together and make up odd sayings and phrases to go with each abbreviation. Which can sometimes lead to hysterical laughter and/or shrieking. But did you ever think it would lead to superheroes?

The NLN is the National League of Nursing. If you say this, you must have someone humming heroic music in the background as you speak in your best announcer voice, "Meanwhile, back at the National League of Nursing Headquarters."

And then...then you strike your best superhero pose, with both hands on hips and declare, "It's APTT! Activate Partial Thromboplastin Time!" and pretend to swoosh away.

Sadly, neither of those were on the test this morning. But the NLN is ready and waiting for the next time abbreviations strike!

Can I just write in a vote?

So. Apparently we have to have class officers. I'm not really sure what they do, but apparently we need them, and the class before us HATED theirs. I can see we'll probably end up the same way.

Our class was told on Day 1 that we wouldn't have to worry about it for several weeks, because we need to get to know each other and because we need to get a feel for who's going to flunk out and who isn't. This has not deterred one girl from asking about 20gazillion times when the elections are because she wants to be president.

I haven't explained the Room factions yet but one side of the room has unofficially elected officers for the class. This girl is president and her friends/seatmates as the rest of the bunch. My side of the room is rather amused and annoyed by this, because most of us have made an effort to get to know people on the other side of the room only to be met with indifference (remember, we're the ones with kids and they're the ones who hate kids). We all wish someone else would run just on principle that no one should be able to automatically get it, but none of us actually WANTS to be president. So maybe we need to arrange a candidate who will not actually win.

I wish the ballot would be worded the way our tests are. It would be something like this:

A 12 day old Nursing Class presents with division and disorientation. Generalized malaise on rt side, hypercaring on lft. What would be the nursing students' best course of action?

Factions

OK, Nursing School Survivor is starting to take shape. We have several divisions and I'm waiting to see which become the most prominent.

1. Smokers versus nonsmokers: The smokers hada social advantage from day one. They all met each other through their several trips outside, and they all socialize. The rest of us either have to go outside and stand around looking like we have a purpose for being there, or we have to congregate at the snack machine. However, the smoker advantage is probably fleeting and I don't think this will be a major issue.

2. Women versus men: We only have two men in our class, and 33 women. Nonissue.

3. Parents versus People Who Hate Kids: This could be a major division. One side of the room has women who have 2, 3, 4, 5 and even 6 kids. The other side of the room has several people who proclaim to hate children. And we've heard no end of how they're going to hate doing Peds rounds.

4. CNA's (Certified Nursing Assistants) versus unexperienced CNA's: Probably most volatile issue, the people who work as CNA's look down upon those of us who only got our certification so we could be in the LPN class. However, the CNA's have some very nasty habits that make the class harder for them. I could see this being a big problem.

There you have it. Tomorrow, if I have time, I'll talk about the most irksome person.

Nursing Program Survivor

OK. First day of nursing school has come and gone. A classmate of mine and I met up on Friday night at the drive-in movie and we talked while the kids were playing (pre-movie, of course). We were reviewing our first day.

One question posed to us at lunchtime was "What cliques do you think will form?"
It's fairly obvious there are already some cliques. At orientation, there was a gaggle of girls who insisted on getting the EXACT same shoes, bp cuffs, stethoscopes and penlight. They all have Betty Boop on them, and I think they were referring to themselves as the Boop Group. There's also, of course, the whole group of people who work together at a nursing home right now. And then there's people like my friend and I, who just want to get in and get the job done and leave.

Second item of discussion was motivation for the people in the class. There's a pretty even split between people who are going into healthcare because they feel called to it, and people who are going into healthcare because it's a steady, decent-paying job with advancement potential. I kinda straddle both groups, really, but I guess I fall more in the first. I want to be a nurse. It seems right. I take care of people all the time and it comes more and more naturally. But I also admit that the idea of that paycheck is a good one, too!

Third thing we realized is that we are now part of Nursing Program Survivor. We know that typically of the 35 who start, about 20 finish. Five usually drop out in the first semester. So...we want to know who's going first! My guess is that one of the people who doesn't feel "called" will be out first. But we'll see!

I suppose I'll give a run-down of the class in the next entry, assuming I'm not bogged down so much I can't blog. Oh, that's the other thing. I had 8 chapters of math to do before I ever had my first class. Yeah, homework before school even started! They told us it would be tough!

updates updates updates

I got into the LPN program at my community college. My plan all along has been to get a Master's in Nursing so I can teach. However, I am starting at the very bottomest rung and I'm glad to be there! 96 people applied. 35 people got in. I was the top test-scorer! yay me!

On Saturday, I had to take my Nurse Aide/CNA I exam. While most of the stuff is common sense, I had a little problem. I've never DONE half the stuff they're testing on. I had to drop out before clinicals last time I took the CNA class. And this time, the clinicals started after the LPN class. I had to be certified before the LPN class began!

So...without practicing anything for the skills portion, and without a book to study for the written portion, I went and took the test. I didn't realize how nerve-wracking it would be as a proctor watched me and ticked off things on a checklist as I did them. Have you ever tried to feed another person with a third person watching you intently? Rather unsettling! Anyway, I passed. I got my Nurse Aide Certification which means I can wipe butts with the best of 'em. Next up: LPN! Just one year and I'll be a low-on-the-totem-pole nurse.

Tater has been in and out of facilities for the past few weeks, which threw our family back into crisis. I swear I don't know which way is up at this point. Two days ago she was admitted into a home where she will live for a minimum of 1.5 years. She can't level out of this placement because THIS is the place where kids who assault staff and run and such go. It is seriously like a prison as far as security. Every door is locked and every room (save bathrooms) has a video camera. The place is monitored and staffed by nurses 24/7.

More on the Tater front. She has finished her 12 hours of neuro/psych testing. Four sessions. That's a lot of contact hours. I go next month to speak with the doc and find the results. A couple of weeks ago he suspected brain damage. I've been doing some reading and I suspect he may be right. We'll see, though. The thought of my daughter having something incurable, something that CAN'T be healed with therapy and meds, is just overwhelming. I feel sick to my stomach and I want to just curl up into a ball again and cry for days. And yet...and yet...it would almost be a relief to find out at this point. Because at least we'd KNOW what's wrong and what we can expect.

So there you have it. Life is good and bad but always interesting. Which just proves that God gives the best presents there are.

So far, so funny

I'm not even IN nursing school yet, just in the prereq's, but so far I've had a few funny moments and I imagine it's only going to get better. The best stories involve genitalia because let's face it: People are goofy about sex and/or genitals.

Story 1: Instructor is telling her students in Nurses Aide class that we should practice various skills on as many people as we can: blood pressure, pulse, respirations, etc. She says we should find a man who'll let us shave him. A classmate bursts out in disgust, "What? down THERE?"

Story 2: We are working on dummies. We realize our female dummy is anatomically correct so of course someone decides to check out the male. Except he has nothing but a patch of velcro. Turns out his genitals are velcro-removable and locked in a cabinet because people kept doing evil things to him. I have named said dummy "Bobbitt."

Story 3: Right after that, we were practicing measuring things to the CC. We had a urinal, because we didn't have enough pitchers. A classmate picked it up and said, "This is a funny looking pitcher. " We explained that it wasn't a pitcher but a bedpan. "Huh?" was the response. Another woman gently explained that it was a men's bedpan but was met with another "huh?" Finally it was bluntly said, "You put his winky in here and he pees" at which point the confused one DROPPED the pitcher and said, "I'm not doing that! I'm not touching a man there!"
uh...yeah, you're getting into Nursing. You're gonna have to.

Story 4: I had a lab partner for our first day in Anatomy and Physiology. Our assignment was to make people out playdough and practice various cuts and views (transverse, saggital, etc.). Of course we couldn't help but make anatomically correct playdough people! I'm particularly proud of my pregnant playdough person, in whom I drew a baby once I cut her open and exposed her yellow clay insides. Not so impressive was our she-male.

Story 5: Same lab partner, same day. We are labeling the regions of the body. The instructor is going over what each region is called. Arrow 8 points to our little male sketch's penis. She repeats several times that the area is the pubis. It does not fail, however, that the person sitting next to my partner is obviously a dingbat and not paying attention. She raises her hand in complete and utter cluelessness and asks, "What is #8? What should we write for #8?" I hear my partner mutter, "Just write pee-pee."